The King of fools
by xLIVExEVILxSTEALxCOOKIESx
Summary: Series of one shots starting with "King of fools" See what happens when Morgan decides to have some fun on April 1st Reidcentric, rated T for swearing
1. 1 King

**King of fools**

It was a normal day in the BAU, relatively speaking. Spencer Reid was doing paperwork at an inhuman speed, Derek Morgan complaining about paperwork, Emily Prentiss joking about their resident genius, Aaron Hotchner in his office doing paperwork, David Rossi in his office doing the same with not nearly as much urgency, JJ sorting through cases and Garcia playing world of war craft in her lair of technology.

The only

Different thing was the HUGE grin on Morgan's face for no apparent reason, Reid eyed him carefully as he sat up straighter and went to open his desk drawer, Morgan's eyes follow his hand as he opens the drawer.

Just as Reid was about to reach in and grab a file, he paused looking curiously into the drawer while Morgan snickered, raising a brow carefully, Reid ran his pianist worthy fingers through the liquidly substance flooding the drawer.

"Chocolate?" He asked

"HAHA April Fools! HAHA" Morgan laughed

"So is it chocolate?" Emily asked standing over Reid to get a better view.

"Yep, since genius here has such a sweet tooth" Morgan smiled smugly

"Sweet!" Reid exclaimed and dipped a twizzler (from his messenger bag) in the chocolate pond and biting on it.

"Ahhhh, he likes it, looks like you're the fool here Morgan" Prentiss clapped in amusement. Morgan however held his grin.

"Hey, Morgan what did you do with the files that were in here?" Reid asked, looking under his desk to see if they were hidden there.

"I left them in there" Morgan said smugly, fully expecting the young genius to freak out. What he wasn't expecting was for Reid to stand up straight and fix him with a crooked smile. Prentiss and Rossi (who had come out of his office at Morgans' boisterous laughter) looked on curiously as Reid plucked the chocolate coated files deftly from his desk "Hey, Morgan you know how you always slip me your files?" Reid said, walking slowly towards his co-worker who was wearing an "Oh shit" expression on his face as realisation dawned. Prentiss and Rossi exchanged smirks.

"Well, I like to separate my files from yours, since we're meant to deliver them separately, so I put yours in the drawer" Reid finished and cdropped the files on Morgans' desk, making a satisfying splat! Sound, as it splattered Morgans' shirt.

Reid was about to leave when a thought struck him, bending down to Morgans' level (Morgan's sitting) Reid smiled "April fools"

And sets off to get himself some coffee.

"Ohh, sassy!" Garcia chirps as she comes over to Morgans' desk and dips her fingers in the chocolate, licking them.

"C'mon my double chocolate god of thunder, let's go get you cleaned up"

"Ok mama bear, I can't believe Reid actually got me!" Morgan complained with a grin on his face

"From where I was standing, you got you" Hotch said, not stopping as walked briskly from the Bull pen, they almost missed the rare smirk on the unit chiefs face.

**Authors note**

Okay this is the first of probably many one shots

Review if you like chocolate! ^w^


	2. 2 Queen

**Queen of Halloween **

Garcia rolled her pink and blue shadowed eyes as she stared at the bane of her existence for the moment "Reid, it's just a costume. Put. It. On"

"But Garcia~" Whined Reid, who sounded agonisingly like a five year old.

"No buts, just put the damn thing on!" Garcia grit her teeth and Reid sighed in defeat and went to get changed into the outfit chosen by Garcia.

"Finally got him to put on the costume?" Morgan asked with a grin on his face.

"I don't see why he's so embarrassed we all have embarrassing costumes" Garcia complained and sat down.

"I don't know, baby girl I think our little boy genius got the short straw"

"You haven't seen Rossi" Garcia snorted and Morgan grinned, glad that he didn't have an extremely embarrassing costume.

As if on cue with Morgans thoughts, Reid exited the bathroom, looking down with a blush tinting his features. Not that they noticed through the yellow.

"Say the line!" Morgan prompted eagerly and Reid sighed in defeat. Putting on a squeaky voice he said "Pikachuuuu" and Morgan burst out laughing.

"Shouldn't you be off fighting crime, Batman?" Reid retorted angrily.

"Nice tights" JJ commented as she walked in. Morgan and Reid both glared at her, "shut up!" They yelled in unison.

"Well at least you two aren't a kitty cat!" JJ responded

"I might as well be" Reid pouted and tugged at the yellow black tipped ears donning his head "Why am I the only one in shorts?" He continued, looking around at everyone then at his mid-thigh length baggy yellow shorts, shifting in his yellow oversized hoodie.

"I think I might outdo you with my leotard, pretty boy" Morgan sighed

"At least you're not from a show that promotes animal cruelty" Reid pouted

"Why do the guys have to wear tights?" Morgan asked turning his and Reid's attention to Garcia

"It's just you guys in tights actually" Prentiss interjected, walking in dressed like wonder woman.

"What does Rossi look like?" Morgan asked immediately, Emily just burst out laughing in response.

"Anyway, Reid you have to wear tights cuz you have nice legs and the outfit wouldn't look cute without it" Garcia said.

"Eh… thanks… I guess" Reid said awkwardly and Morgan pat his shoulder sympathetically.

"And" Garcia continued with a suggestive quirk of the brow "You can't get too much of my chocolate of thunder" JJ and Prentiss rolled their eyes as Morgan winked at Garcia.

"Rawr" Rossi said monotonously and Reid morphed his face into a crooked grin

"Suddenly I don't feel so bad" He announced happily and Rossi growled, very befitting of his lion costume, Hotch followed after in a tin man suit.

"Off to see the wizard?" JJ asked, smirking.

"Well that explains a lot" Reid laughed as Garcia stood up and dusted off her blue and white glittered check dress, her red twin plaits bouncing as she did so.

"C'mon my sweets, let's go trick or treating!"

"That's what we're doing?" Rossi cried in dismay.

"Yep" Garcia chirped

"Man, I've haven't trick or treated since I was like 9!" Morgan said fondly

Sounds of agreement were made amongst the group

"I've never trick or treated" Reid said, blushing slightly at being different once again.

"Seriously?" Prentiss said incredulously, as far as she remembered Reid was a Halloween maniac.

"Yea, my mom always said that people that hide their faces are probably liars that want to steal your children and spit on your parent's grave" Reid explained.

"Why would she think that?" Rossi asked, unaware of Diana Reids' condition.

"She's eh… a paranoid schizophrenic" Reid sighed giving a small awkward smile as Rossi opened his mouth as if to apologise but was cut off by Garcia.

"Ok, then let's make this a good first time for Reid"

Morgan laughed and they all left to go trick or treating. You had to feel sorry for the other kids. They didn't have a shot.

**Authors note **

What d'ya think?

Review please ^w^


	3. 3 Jack

**Jack**

Hotch sighed heavily as he plopped yet another file onto his desk, he was feeling particularly exhausted today. The reason being that he had been forced to bring Jack to work with him when the nanny cancelled at the last moment. Peering out of the blinds, Hotch heaved another sigh, it looked as if no one else was working, too busy doting over Jack. Garcia of course had abandoned her lair when she heard of the little tykes arrival.

Peering out again, Hotch was tempted to chuckle, it seems Jack and Reid were deep in a no doubt star wars related conversation. The funny thing was that Reid looked more excited about the topic than Jack.

Everyone seemed to flock to the young genius's desk as he got ready to show Jack some magic tricks.

_Physics magic_ Hotch thought with a fond smile on his usually stern face, he remembered the rocket that Reid had fired across the bullpen, _it had gone pretty far _ Hotch thought, _of course Reid's a genius something (anything) to do with physics wouldn't fail him_

It seemed that Reid was showing Jack how to do the sleight of hand trick, Hotch was worried that showing him how to do the trick would suck the magic out of it but surprisingly Jack watched amazed eyes as Reid took him through each step.

"You know" Started David Rossi, now standing beside Hotch who supressed the urge to grab his gun "Reid's the only one that doesn't talk down to him

"What?" Hotch exclaimed, he thought the other agents were all being nice to Jack but if Rossi says…

"Not like that" Rossi waved him off " Everyone talks to him in that way you speak to children, dumbing it down and acting happy all the time, Reid acts completely the same"

Hotch pondered this "You're right" He said after a second.

"Ya know, maybe he doesn't seem to dumb himself down for Jack because he's sued to dumbing himself down for us" Rossi offered, Hotch snorted

"He isn't doing a brilliant job, I'm no idiot and I still have trouble understanding half the things he says" Rossi laughed at that.

**^w^**

Later that day Hotch went and talked to Reid, he was the only one left doing paperwork, everyone else had gone home. Hotch thought this was unfair since he doubted any of the paperwork left actually belonged to Reid.

"Hey Reid" Reid's eyes darted up to meet the unit chiefs' and it looked as if he had just realised how late it was.

"Yea?" Reid asked, probably wondering what he'd done wrong.

"I saw you teaching Jack that trick earlier"

"Oh yea, he's pretty good at magic, he didn't get the sleight of hand right away but no one does …" Reid began to rambled excitedly.

"I was just worried that it wouldn't be as magical when you showed him how it worked" Hotch explained

"I don't think so" Reid said almost immediately "I think that watching something magical is fun but I think being able to create something magical is amazing and I think Jack thought so too"

Hotch smiled a genuine smile normally reserved for Jack

"You know if you don't finish teaching him that trick, I'll never hear the end of it"

Reid smiled back at him "I think I'm gonna finish these at home" He yawned

"Or" Hotch started "You could give them back to Morgan"

Reid looked surprised for a second before switching to a mischievous grin.

"Actually" Reid got up and plopped them down on the desk across from his "These are Emily's"

**Authors' note **

Review please

(especially Jack fans, and let's be honest who isn't?)


	4. 4 Full house

**Full House**

JJ plopped herself down on Rossi's Italian sofa and sighed "I don't know who gave them sugar but Henry and Jack are hyper as hell"

"It was probably Reid" Morgan smirked sitting next to the blonde.

"No, he had an alibi, he was actually watching tv with Rossi and Hotch" JJ responded

"Really? Why? I didn't think Hotch or Rossi liked sci-fi" Garcia laughed and shoved Morgan over so she could sit too.

"They don't, but they did have a substantial amount of popcorn and chocolate" They all laughed as sed genius walked through the large stain glass doors.

"There's really no point in having these inside" He said indicating to the doors "Stain glass is only really beautiful in direct sunlight"

"That so?" Morgan asked to which Reid bobbed his head and began to explain how stain glass worked and where it originated from.

"Okay, okay genius no need to get so excited" Morgan placated after about three seconds

"Sorry" Reid said quietly

"Looks like the kids weren't the only ones having too much sugar!" Garcia laughed.

Prentiss walked in with Henry on her hip and Jack walking behind her with a HUGE grin on his face.

"Hey guys" JJ said and took Henry from Prentiss gently

"Hi" Henry said and cuddled into his mom.

"Uncle Spencer can I get some chocolate from your purse?" Jack asked politely and Morgan chuckled and Reid frowned in confusion

"This?" He asked holding up his messenger and Jack nodded rapidly "It's called a messenger bag, how do you know there's chocolate in it?" Reid asked

"Grampa Rossi told me" Jack pointed towards the Italian walking in the door.

"Who are you calling Grampa?" Rossi asked while Hotch threw him a rare smirk

"Can you blame him?"

"Che, I'll bet anything that you taught him to say that!" Rossi accused

"Aside from that, did you steal the sweets from uncle spencer's bag?" JJ asked Henry who looked down and mumbled incoherently

"I'd say that's a yes" Reid opened his messenger bag and gasped "WOW you guys took a lot!" Reid exclaimed "Wait why are you asking for chocolate now when you had already taken it?"

"Kid tactics, Reid, kid tactics" Morgan placed a hand on Reid's shoulder and Reid looked confused as hell, then just shrugged it off.

"What did they take?" Rossi asked and JJ braced herself while Reid did a 2 second head count of all the sweets remaining in his bag.

"5 twizzlers, 25 (heroes) chocolates, 13 toffees, 68 strawberry laces, 2 bags of pure sugar (for coffee), 3 lollipops, 4 bags of skittles and 1 big marshmallow" Reid said all in one breath.

"Why do you even have those in your bag?" Asked Emily incredulously as Morgan laughed his head off and JJ looked as if she were about to faint.

"In case I get hungry" Reid shrugged

"Of course" Morgan laughed and rolled his eyes

"Let's just put a pin in the whole Reid surviving on sugar thing" Reid pouted at this despite himself "Why don't we focus on how to get these guys asleep?" JJ said

Everyone went deep in thought

"Okay Reid, tell us how you sleep with all that sugar in you" Morgan said

"And how you're still skinny!" Garcia felt the need to add

"Erm… well about the sleep thing I normally don't have any trouble sleeping, actually statistics show that sugar doesn't really make kids hyper" Reid said, at the doubtful looks everyone shot him Reid sighed "Well if I do have trouble sleeping I just listen to something that bores me, like sports …. Though that doesn't work very well most of the time since nothing really bores me, even though I suck at sports it still seems interesting"

"Of course" Morgan said again

"And why am I still skinny even though I eat loads of sugar?, well there is this theory that your brain can actually burn calories like any muscle in your body, most people don't notice because they don't use their brain enough for it to be significant" Reid explained

"So what you're saying …" Rossi started

"Is that we're all fat and stupid?" Morgan glared but dropped his façade as Reids' face grew panicked and he tried to explain how that wasn't saying that

"It's cool Reid, we know what you meant" Hotch smiled and Reid sighed in relief.

As that happened the clock stroke midnight and they all looked up unsurprisingly Garcia was first to raise her glass

"MERRY CHRISTMAS ALL!" She cheered and they all raise their glasses except JJ, Jack and Henry who looked panicked

"You guys better hurry off to bed before Santa decides to skip us" Emily said and Jack and Henry bolted up to their rooms.

"WOW" Reid said after they left "Do all kids do that?"

"Don't you remember being excited about Christmas, Mr photographic memory?" Morgan asked incredulously

"Eidetic" Reid corrected automatically then continued "We never really celebrated Christmas in our house since my Mom thought Santa was a pervert sent by the government to spy on people, and she also thought that a Christmas tree was a great place to hide cameras, I spent most of my childhood trying to convince my Mom that Santa wasn't real, I never thought he existed" Reid explained calmly and Emily, JJ and Garcia went "awwh"

"Why'd she think Santa was a pervert?" Rossi asked

"He sees you when you're sleeping…" Reid sang and Rossi nodded with Hotch.

"So did you celebrate any holidays?" Morgan asked hoping the answer was yes.

"Well… we celebrated birthdays before my Father left but after that I really didn't have the time or energy, no matter how much sugar I ate" Reid smiled sheepishly.

"That's awful!" Garcia exclaimed and wrapped Reid in a HUGE bear hug and Morgan was worried he heard a snap that sounded like a certain genius being crushed to death.

But alas he was fine… relatively speaking.

"Well then, how's your first Christmas?" Emily asked with a smirk

" Good?" Reid offered and they laughed at Emily pinching him and telling him to be more imaginative.

"Ok let's get all the gifts ready" JJ whispered and looked up the stairs to see any sign of the two boys

"Yea" They all agreed and set to work, like little elves as Garcia pointed out.

Reid decided as Morgan was hit with yet another cuddly toy (courtesy of Emily)

_Christmas is fun_

_**Authors note**_

Review if you like presents!


	5. 5 Royal Freak

**Royal Freak**

Garcia squealed in delight at her latest plan. She put on her best poker face (or as she so kindly dubbed it Hotch face) and marched into the bullpen where Reid, Morgan and Prentiss were doing paperwork. Garcia bypassed them ignoring Morgans' flirting and pulling JJ out of her office then Rossi out of his, she then proceeded to knock politely on Hotchs door -"Oh he gets a knock"- and when told to come in she announced to him that they were having a team meeting authorised by the higher ups.

Sceptically Hotch got up and followed the energetic woman.

They all gathered around Reids' desk, waiting for him to notice them as he finished yet another file.

Looking up for a second Reid glanced back up to see the others looking expectantly at him "You've been there a while haven't you?"

They all nodded. Morgan laughed.

"Okay why are we here?" Rossi asked.

"Tomorrow I want you all to bring in your high school yearbooks!" Garcia chirped and they all said "What?" Reid in his high pitch incredulous voice.

"That's an order from the higher ups is it?" Hotch asked

"No I lied" Garcia smiled and it seemed almost planned how they all deadpanned "No" at the same time.

"Why not?" Garcia pouted

"You and Reid have made fun of me enough for my Goth look, thank you very much" Emily said

"And I actually looked worse back then" Reid said wincing "I was a bigger geek too" He added and Morgan patted his shoulder sympathetically.

"Don't saw that, sweetcheeks" Garcia said with a wink "Smart is the new sexy"

"You watch Sherlock?" Reid asked, surprise taking over embarrassment.

"No" Garcia said confused

"Really, cuz that's actually a direct quote" Reid said, confused.

"I think it was in Doctor Who too" Garcia said

"Anyway none of us want to bring in our yearbooks so I guess that's that" Morgan said knowingly cutting off a long and annoying Doctor who related conversation.

"When did you become a killjoy?" Garcia asked

"I really don't mind bringing in my yearbook" JJ announced only to be pounced on by Reid, Prentiss and Rossi

"You wouldn't"

"And why is that?" JJ asked with an arched brow.

"You were a popular" Reid said

"You weren't a Goth" Prentiss moaned

"The fashion sense in your time wasn't incredibly… iffy" Rossi answered.

"True that" Garcia said "So Jaje and I are the only ones bringing in our yearbooks"

"Fine, baby girl I'll bring in mine too" Morgan sighed.

"I guess Reid and Garcia have already shown you guys my worst photos…" Emily said in defeat

"I'll bring mine too" Rossi and Hotch said too and they all turned to stare at their resident genius who looked like a deer in headlights.

"Just you now, pretty boy" Morgan smiled and Reid groaned

"But it's depressing" He countered

"C'mon Reid be a team player!" Prentiss teased and after a lot of grumbling over the "unfairness of it all" Reid reluctantly agreed to bring inn his yearbook.

O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O

**The next day **

They all gathered around Reid's desk again and waited for the aforementioned genius to make his appearance.

"I think he's pulling a sickie" Morgan said but Hotch shook his head "No that isn't something Reid would do"

"Ya it sounds more like you Morgan" Emily laughed and Morgan looked mock hurt when Reid speed walked through the door.

"OmiGod" JJ said as he walked in with a huge grin, he was completely covered in head to toe with dust.

"It was kinda hard to find but I found it!" Reid grinned and plopped his yearbook on the desk then he seemed to realise that he had a viable excuse to not bring in his yearbook until about a second ago " Ah damn it all" He said and sneezed, the sharp movement sending dust into the air.

"Okay now that we're all here let's look at the yearbooks" Garcia squealed.

"Let's go with Hotch first!" Morgan cheered.

All of Hotchs' pictures were unsurprisingly lawyer-esque.

"Wow Hotch, it's so weird how you can pose the exact same way every year" Reid said with a mix of awe and fascination in his voice.

"Okay Morgan next" Garcia announced

Morgan cringed as they all laughed at how small he was in his first year of school and then he got his growth spurt. And that shut them up.

"Next is Em" Garcia smiled and Emily groaned they all laughed at Emilies… interesting taste throughout the years while she buried her head in JJs shoulders.

But that was nothing compared to Rossi's quiff and blazers (that Reid found no problems with)

"It was in!" Rossi defended himself weakly.

"JJ!" Garcia grabbed JJs yearbook and they all flipped through it and were only mildly surprised by what they found

"Is there any club you weren't in?" Morgan asked incredulously.

"Let's move on to… the baby of the family!" Garcia said and Reid scrunched his face up in confusion then realisation dawned "Oh me" he said and handed over his yearbook.

They awed at the eight year old him smiling shyly up at the camera. They noticed with creased brows that in the next year the smile looked more forced and in the next one he had heavy bags under his eyes and wasn't smiling at all, in the next one he had a cast and bruises covered his pale skin.

In his final year they gasped at the picture of Reid looking pale and skinny and so small with the word "Freak" scrawled on every visible part of his skin and they were sure there were more under his ill-fitting checked polo shirt.

"You know there's something wrong with you when Vegas kids think you're a freak" Reid joked nervously at the silence.

"No, Spence there is nothing wrong with you" JJ said seriously and from the looks on every ones faces they agreed.

"That many people can't hate you if there's nothing wrong with you" Reid said looking at the floor.

"Well pretty boy, once again you're right" Morgan said and they all glared at him (even Garcia) and Reid looked like a kicked puppy then Morgan continued "That was depressing"

Reid smirked "Told ya so, but the yearbook really over-exaggerates it wasn't that bad"

For once hey all just let Reid downplay things.

"Okay so your turn. Mama bear" Morgan smiled and Garcia burst into life and showed off all her photos proudly. They laughed through her crazy looks and patted sympathetically where her parents died.

"Well, that was the best waste of a morning so far" Reid said when they were done. They all went to their desks and resumed work as usual, waiting for Garcia to have another brilliant idea.

**Author note**

Okay so this story has been bugging me for a few days, sorry if it's a bit depressing, I tried to make it fun ^w^


	6. 6 Joker

**JOKER **

"Garcia what the hell?" Reid asked with his voice high from surprise. He had been minding his own business, about to eat his sandwich in the break-room when Garcia came in, put a bunny hat over his messy brown hair and shoved a carrot in his mouth. Then she snapped a picture of Reid, who looked for all the world like a startled bunny (only more humanesque). All with a huge grin on her face.

Morgan burst out laughing, more at Reid's reaction than Garcia's action.

"What was that, baby girl?" Morgan said when his laughter was under control.

"Sorry, my junior G-man, Jayje dared me to do it"

"Why?" The two boys asked in unison (though Reid had higher octaves)

"Well, we got bored (Emily and I) since there's no case and you'd already taken all her paperwork" Garcia explained "We started playing truth or dare and we dragged Jayje into it cus playing truth or dare with two people is boring"

"Why a bunny?" Reid asked half wondering where she got the hat and carrot on such short notice.

"Because you look like a cute little puppy, but we didn't have a puppy hat or dog collar or whatever, but then Emily remembered that you look like an adorable deer in headlights whenever you're in trouble with Hotch, and I thought that a bunny was cuter than a deer"

Reid was silent for a second before shrugging "Fair enough" and biting down on the raw carrot.

"I can't believe you're okay with being called a puppy, deer and a bunny, not to mention being called cute more times than I can count!" Morgan said exasperated.

"Only twice technically adorable once" Reid said looking confused "I'm surprised you can't count that high"

"Actually I can" Morgan grunted back sticking up his middle finger "1" and the one next to it "2"

Garcia laughed "Ooh hey do you guys wanna come play with us?"

"No thanks" Reid said immediately and Morgan shook his head.

"Aw but why not?" Garcia pouted

"Because I'm already in a bunny hat and I wasn't even playing" Reid winced as he talked and Morgan nodded along

"I see… oh well you have to anyway or I will send an e-mail from each of your accounts sayin' that you're gay and proud!" Garcia grinned

"Fine, fine, baby girl we'll play" Moran amended

"I don't have an e-mail, but I'll play since everyone else is playing, I've already finished everyone's files anyway" Reid said and Morgan rolled his eyes

"Sure thing pretty boy, let's go" _Before Garcia can grill you over not having an email _Morgan added in his head.

"Oh, I was wondering what was taking so long" Prentiss grinned when Garcia accompanied by the boys came in.

"I got the boys to play!" Garcia chirped.

Morgan laughed at Prentiss in her kitty cat hat and JJ with her tiara. Reid and Prentiss looked at each other for a moment "Nice hat" They said in unison and broke out into huge grins.

"Okay, since the boys are new one of them should be picked next" JJ declared

"Go with pretty boy!" Morgan said and Reid glared (which looked very unintimidating considering he still had the bunny hat on)

"I'd be careful who you through under the bus if I were you" Reid warned "Or you might end up with "screw you Hotch" written on every page of your paperwork"

"That is the most bad ass thing you've ever done" Morgan said in awe

"Haven't done it yet" Reid grinned

"Okay genius, truth or dare?" Emily asked

"… Truth" Reid replied hesitantly

"Okay what IS the most badass thing you've ever done?" She asked and Reid bit his lip

"Hmm, well when I was twelve I rigged this guy's (one of my bullies actually) keyboard so would that whatever note he played it come out as twinkle twinkle little star" Reid confessed and they all laughed " It was during a big recital too" Reid looked guilty here "He completely freaked out, but it's better than what my mom wanted to do"

"What did she want to do?" JJ asked curiously

"Well my mom was an English lecturer before she … got sick, a really good one, I mean she was like some sort of legend in those circles. So she was planning on using her contacts to make sure that every student that bullied me never go to the college of their choice, luckily I found out and stopped her" Reid said

"Wow, your mom is awesome!" Garcia said

"The keyboard thing was cool too though!" Morgan laughed

"Thanks, I can't take all the credit though, I got the idea from this book, Artemis Fowl. It's really cool it's about a twelve year old genius whose Dad goes missing on a not so legal venture in Russia when he was ten leaving him to look after the family finances and his Mother who after the father goes missing exhibits symptoms of paranoid schizophrenia, so he kidnaps a fairy and ransoms her for the gold" Reid said excitedly

"Sounds a lot like you kid" Morgan said

"I guess, only he's a criminal mastermind and I'm on the good side" Reid smiled and the others did too until …

"What on earth are you all doing?" Hotch asked in a voice that held thinly veiled rage.

"We don't have any work to do so we're playing truth or dare… sir" Prentiss said calmly and politely.

"Sounds fun" Rossi said as he entered too and Hotch sighed

"Fine, do what you like just, try to look professional in case Strauss decides to drop by and do some nit picking" Hotch said and ignored the comment regarding Strauss from Rossi and left.

"So… you wanna play?" Garcia asked Rossi who looked thoughtful, but then smiled "Sure"

**Authors note **

I know the whole time line thing is off for the Artemis Fowl thing (they weren't even written when Reid was twelve… I think)

Review if you've ever laughed maniacally at something have no one else in the room get it ^w^

Oh review if you liked the story too


	7. 7Ace

**ACE OF CROSSOVERS **

**CROSSOVER BETWEEN ****CRIMINAL MINDS**** AND ****THE BIG BANG THEORY**

Leonard placed his tray down on the table and was able to ignore Sheldon easily for the first time in his life. He wondered for a moment how his roommate could talk about trains when of the scientists at the university had been killed. He knew Raj and Howard weren't listening either.

"At least he was caught" He muttered and took a gulp of his diet coke.

"Leonard, I fail to see what that sentence has to do with this conversation!" Sheldon said sounding scandalised.

"Yea, yea sorry"

"I can't really blame him" Raj interjected "It's hard to come up with a change of topic"

"I think he's talking about Dr Redrum's untimely end" Howard said

"Kind of ironic" Leonard remarked

"How?" Raj asked with a piece of lettuce hanging from his mouth.

With a grimace Sheldon spoke "I think what Leonard is pointing out is that it's ironic that Redrum is murder backwards"

"Huh… I just kinda thought it was ironic that he was the head of security" Leonard admitted and they all tilted their heads in thought.

**On the jet**

So, why are we going to Pasadena?" Prentiss asked "The killer was caught, and it was only a single murder"

Morgan nodded in agreement and the whole team looked at Hotch, who sighed

"We were requested in by one of the scientists in the university that wants us to do a talk on how to keep themselves safe" Hotch nearly smiled at the look on their resident genius's face.

"We have to talk ?" Reid asked and Morgan grinned and ruffled the young genius's hair.

"Why do we all have to talk?" Rossi asked

"Well…" JJ started and they all looked at her, normally only two of them would have to go "the scientist who called, Dr Sheldon Cooper was very insistent that we all come, and I was very tired"

"Ok, I think you guys should talk and I'll stand there-"

"And look pretty?" Morgan laughed and Reid scowled

"And be quiet"

"That'll be a change" Rossi scoffed and Reid furrowed his brows, he was quiet sometimes.

"It doesn't matter, we're all talking. That includes you Reid" Hotch said sternly and Reid visibly deflated.

**At the university**

"Hey did you loseaws heawe the FBI awe comin' hewe?" Cripke said and Sheldon smirked knowingly.

"You invited them didn't you?" Leonard sighed audibly.

"You seem upset" Sheldon noted while Raj and Howard talked excitedly about the FBI.

"There's no good reason for them to come here, Dr Redrum was killed in his apartment, it had nothing to do with the university" Leonard said and Sheldon tutted.

"Just because he wasn't killed here doesn't mean we're safe…" Sheldon said and was about to launch into a lecture when he saw something "They're here" He gasped and everyone looked towards where he was looking and saw a group of people about their age (except for the Italian who looked older) only these people had an aura of awesomeness around them that could only be from being in a rock band or the FBI and judging by the dark sunglasses, they were FBI.

Sheldon was the first to pounce.

**5 ****minutes earlier**

"This place is great!" Reid enthused, not noticing that no one around him seemed to share this view "Did you guys see the laser Scribing of High-Performance and Flexible Graphene-Based Electrochemical Capacitors?"

"How could we miss it?" Morgan asked sarcastically and Prentiss giggled while JJ hit them both lightly on the arm to get them to behave, Reid, unaware of the exchange prattled on excitedly.

"Hey, Reid" Prentiss interrupted and Reid turned to her, giving her all of his attention "Why aren't there any good looking nerds around here?"

Reid looked confused by the question "Erm, Emily you do know that despite what Morgan says I don't actually know everything?" Rossi smirked as Morgan tried to deny it only to be reminded by JJ, Reid, Prentiss and even Hotch of the times he'd said that Reid knew everything.

"I'm just asking" Prentiss said after she stopped laughing "because you're so…" She struggled to find the word and Reid was the only one who couldn't see what she was getting at.

"Adorkable!" Garcia chimed in from Morgans phone.

"I called her to back me up when you all ganged up on me" Morgan explained

"… Adorkable?" Reid asked but before he got an answer a tall, skinny and not to mention angry guy was in front of them "Hello FBI" the guy said and JJ stepped forward to shake his hand (Reid waved)

"Dr Sheldon Cooper?" She asked pleasantly as Sheldon ignored her hand, she just let it drop and wondered if all doctors were against hand shaking as she looked at Reid.

"Yes, and I have a bone to pick with you" Sheldon snarled

"What did JJ do?" Reid asked

"Hung up on him 5 times" Morgan smirked, remembering Garcia telling him about it.

"Not just her!" Sheldon said angrily "When I was 7 I sent a letter to the FBI about some faeces that was left on my doorstep and I never received word back"

"Sheldon" groaned Leonard in the back-round.

"Actually, in the BAU (that's us) we only deal with serial murderers, hate crimes really aren't really our department" Reid explained and Leonard, Howard and Raj all gaped him.

_He's actually taking Sheldon seriously! _They thought and Morgan stood up straight

"And besides none of us were in the FBI when you were seven"

"Except Rossi" Reid piped up and Rossi glared at him.

"Hmm, sound argument welcome to Pasadena" Sheldon smiled.

"So you guys are gonna tell us how to be safe?" Howard asked as the BAU sat down.

"Basically, but of course no one is ever really safe" Reid said

"And why is that?" Leonard asked

"Well, Helen Keller said Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing" Reid said happily

"That doesn't make it true!" squeaked Leonard

"Actually the statement has a lot of truth to it" Sheldon said and was about to explain why when Howard interrupted him "Raj wants to know your names" He said bluntly and Raj nodded.

"Oh, sorry" JJ said "I'm SSA Jenifer Jereau "

"I'm SSA Aaron Hotchner, this is SSA Derek Morgan, SSA David Rossi, SSA Emily Prentiss and Dr Spencer Reid, oh and the woman on the phone is our tech analyst SSA Penelope Garcia" Hotch introduced them all. Raj whispered into Howards' ear and Howard rolled his eyes "He says he thinks Jennifer is a very pretty name"

"Erm, thanks?" JJ said as Morgan snickered.

"You're a doctor?" Leonard asked Reid to try and clear the awkward out of the air

"Yea" Reid said ad Morgan felt the need to add

"He has three PhDs, and two BA's"

"Actually I got my third BA a month, three days ago" Reid said, oblivious to the smug looks Sheldons' friends were sending Sheldon.

"I believe that's one more PhD than Sheldon" Howard smirked but was ignored by the agents who had rounded on Reid

"Why didn't you tell us?"

"I did!" Reid defended himself " You guys didn't seem to care… in hindsight you probably weren't listening" He ended sheepishly.

"So you challenge my genius?" Sheldon said out of the blue, making all the agents turn to him, including Reid who looked like a deer in headlights.

"Well I don't believe intelligence can be accurately quantified-"

"But he does have an IQ of 187, an eidetic memory and can read 20 000 words per second" Morgan said

"Yes, he's a genius" finished everyone else on his team

"How can you all quote me accurately when Hotch was the only one there and it was several years ago?" Reid asked with a smile on his face.

"You really think I wouldn't tell them? The look on his face was priceless" Hotch smiled one of his rare smiles.

"That is it. You sir are officially on my list" Sheldon said and walked away.

"What did I do?" Reid asked and Leonard laughed

"Don't worry, he's just jealous" If anything Reid looked worried

"The last time I heard that I ended up locked in a locker for the whole weekend" Reid fretted and looked to Morgan for guidance

"Reid, if that guy even thinks about laying a finger on you, he'll have me to deal with" Morgan promised and Reid bit his lip but nodded, it wasn't like before, he wasn't defenceless.

"We've got to go" JJ announced

"Time to talk in front of people" Reid groaned

"C'mon pretty boy" Morgan laughed and they all went to their doom (Reid's words not mine)

**Authors note **

This story is dedicated to HOC97 whose birthday was yesterday

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Happy St Patricks Day!

**Review and tell me if you think I should continue the crossover ^w^**


	8. 8 Ace 2

**Ace of crossovers **

**Part 2**

_**Previously **_

_"That is it. You sir are officially on my list" Sheldon said and walked away._

_"What did I do?" Reid asked and Leonard laughed_

_"Don't worry, he's just jealous" If anything Reid looked worried_

_"The last time I heard that I ended up locked in a locker for the whole weekend" Reid fretted and looked to Morgan for guidance_

_"Reid, if that guy even thinks about laying a finger on you, he'll have me to deal with" Morgan promised and Reid bit his lip but nodded, it wasn't like before, he wasn't defenceless._

_"We've got to go" JJ announced_

_"Time to talk in front of people" Reid groaned_

_"C'mon pretty boy" Morgan laughed and they all went to their doom (Reid's words not mine)_

_**Currently **_

Reid fidgeted with his fingers nervously, rocking slightly on the balls of his feet behind Morgan who was the image of confidence. They were up in front of practically the entire university ready to discuss security and Reid (who didn't like talking in front of large numbers of people) was feeling especially nervous with one Dr Sheldon Cooper attempting to melt his brain.

"I don't get it!" Spencer squeaked, frustrated making Morgan snicker, earning them both glares from Hotch.

_Why's Sheldon so angry?_ Spencer wondered with a frown on his face.

They spent little over an hour talking about security, and Reid was doing okay and then it was time to answer questions from the audience.

Naturally Sheldon was on his feet in a moment "My question is for Dr Reid" He said, smiling wickedly.

"Er…yes?" Reid said nervously

"What age were you when you got your first doctorate?" Sheldon asked

"Er, 17 but I don't see what that has to with security…" Reid trailed off

"Oh, I was 16" Sheldon chirped in condescension and sat down as Reid just sat blushing at the attention brought to him especially Rossi who was now mouthing "17? WOW"

He then turned to Hotch " I got my first doctorate when I was 15"

"No you didn't" Reid said, confused "I've read all your books and you've never mentioned having any doctorates at all.

"You're right, my mistake" Said Rossi and that's when Sheldon stood up again, JJ had just finished answering another guys' question ("no I will not go out with you") Reid groaned as Sheldon called on him once again .

"Yes Sheldon?" Reid asked

"When did you graduate high school?" Sheldon asked

"12" Reid said not bothering to argue with the madman

"Oh, very interesting, I was fourteen when I graduated, from college that is, and won the Stevenson award" Sheldon again smiled, feeling he'd won

"I'll bet he hits him" Leonard muttered

"I'll bet his muscle man friend'll hit him" Howard muttered, then Spencer spoke

"WOW that's amazing I was only in my second year of high school when I was 14" Reid said in genuine, innocent amazement, the girls on the team all smiled and mouthed "Adorkable"

"Reid now is not the time for hero worship" Sighed Hotch.

Morgan on the other hand shook his head despairingly "How can you be so… nice to someone obviously trying to rub it in your face how much better he is?"  
>Reid shrugged "I'm sure he didn't mean to…"<p>

"Okay that's it unless there are any more questions?" Hotch said and when greeted with silence he gestured for everyone to leave. When it was just the BAU left Sheldon approached.

"We're leaving now" Morgan said as he saw Sheldon approach

"I'm sorry, I just wanted a few words with Dr Reid"

"Em, okay I guess" Reid bit his lip and Sheldon smiled, Leonard, Howard an Raj all joined them

"Well this is unusual" Leonard commented "Some-one's actually willingly talking to Sheldon"

"Then again they are FBI" Howard interjected happily "They probably talk to crazies every day!"

"I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested!" Sheldon said indignantly.

"What is it you wanted?" Reid asked Sheldon

"Oh I just wanted to say that you're off my list" Sheldon said happily.

"Really? Cool" Reid said and then made to leave with the others, as they walked out the door they nearly walked right into a blonde woman running through the doors.

"Sheldon you said it was an emergency, I left work for this" Penny groaned seeing none of her friends in immediate danger.

"Ah Penny there's some-one I want to introduce you to, this" He gestured to Reid "Is Dr Spencer Reid, living proof that you can be smart and good looking" Sheldon said smugly while Reid flushed and tried to deny it which was hard to do when you had to give out to Morgan and Prentiss who were cooing "Adorkable" In his ear

"Okay fine, twenty bucks" Penny handed over the money to Sheldon who grinned

"That" He said "is why you don't make bets with a genius"

"Trust us, we know" Said the entire BAU sans Reid who was now being glared at by the rest of the team.

"Let's go to the jet" He suggested weakly

"You have a jet?" Exclaimed Penny

" Well actually it belongs to the FBI"  
>"You're in the FBI?" Penny exclaimed all the FBI members pulled out their credentials<p>

"Yea" They all said at once and left while the scientists and Penny all talked excitedly about the FBI

"Well that went better than expected" Reid said on the jet

"Seriously?" Morgan asked with a raised brow

"Yea, I thought that Sheldon guy was gonna eat me" Reid said and everyone laughed

**Authors note **

There you go the second half of the crossover

**Review please **_hope you enjoyed_


	9. 9 Heart

**The King of Fools**

**The 4 of hearts **

**1**

Spencer Reid balled himself into a compact, shivering fetal position. He covered his ears as each blow was dealt, he could still hear them though, with each blow

"Freak!"

"_Genius_!"

"Braniac!"

"Loser!"

Finally, it was over, the other kids retreated and Spencer dared to look up to see what had stopped them. He gulped silently at the figure in front of him. Spencer had never learnt his name, but he knew that the other kids called him Fat Tony. Spencer didn't really understand why, he wasn't in fact he was _very_ healthy and strong, Spencer didn't even think his name was Tony…

Spencer realised at a later date that it was for his Mafia like reign over the playground.

That's not really important. What is important is that Spencer had his back against the wall and "Fat Tony's" eyes had a leering quality that resembled closely to that of a hungry lion faced with a deer. With a broken leg. This, needless to say unnerved the ten year old.

"In you go!" The older boy grinned and lifted Spencer like a giant lifting a rag doll. It was then that Spencer realised that he wasn't quite leaning against a wall. After being shoved harshly into the locker it was shut and locked. There were three small holes in the locker door, for air.

"That's thoughtful" He whispered bitterly, he could tell the rest had gone; their laughing had subsiding. Sighing, Spencer let his forehead fall forward onto the cold metal door with a dull thunk. Feeling around for injuries (twisted ankle, multiple bruises, suspected black eye, definite split lip if the coppery taste in his mouth was anything to go by)

Spencer sighed again "It's dark …" He whispered miserably to himself.

**2**

Spencer could feel the tears staining his cheeks as they rolled hot and furious down his face "Mother pleas-"

"Don't call me mother! You're not my Spencer! The government sent you!"

Spencer winced, and sat down, he had spent the last hour arguing with his mother to let him out of the closet she had locked him in.

It was small but not so small that he couldn't sit down comfortably. Even so, he chose to curl into himself muttering "Please let me out" again and again in a mantra. He knew that it would be two days or more before his mother let him out. That's when (because she'd stop taking her pills if Spencer wasn't there to trick her into eating them in sandwiches) she would get a few moments of clarity and realise she had locked her son in the closet.

Spencer wasn't unduly worried. Or at least not about himself, he'd longer than two days without food before, he was more worried about his mother, and the house, and the taxes, and the schoolwork…

Spencer sighed again "I guess it can't be helped"

Something moved, it sounded like a mouse or a rat… Spencer shuddered, it could have been anything, it was too dark to tell. There were no lights in the closet. Well, actually there were lights but it didn't seem like Diana Reid had any intention of turning them on any time soon.

Spencer ran through probabilities and facts in his head to calm himself.

"If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would produce enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue

Polar bears are left handed

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do. (poor polar bears)

Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes

Walt Disney was afraid of mice…"

Spencer stopped reciting as something furry brushed off his foot, causing him to shudder and let out a small yelp and then whisper to himself "It's so dark"

**3 **

Spencer was hiding. Not that you could tell. He was just sitting in the library, reading. He wasn't hiding from anyone in particular; or rather he was hiding from _everyone_. He knew there was no way the nurse was going to let him off with "I fell… down the stairs… twice" again. Besides that he just wasn't in the mood for being beat up today; twice some teachers accused him of cheating on a test, and the entire class believed it and sent him glares

"Like I need to cheat!" Spencer grumbled and slammed the book shut. It wasn't often he got mad but after not eating in a week ( he'd missed a few days work at the local bookshop due to being locked in a locker all weekend… again) he was very irritable.

"At least this is my last year, I don't know how much more of this hell hole I can take"

"Hi there!" A girl from Spencer's class chirped, Spencer looked up at her as he stood, ready to leave. She towered over him "Hi" Spencer said curtly and forced a smile then dropped it and made to walk around her, but she wasn't having it.

"Alicia wants to meet with you!" She blurted out and Spencers' eyes widened in shock before they narrowed in suspicion

"Too bad" He said in monotone that masked the whirlwind of thoughts in his mind.

"_Alicia's the prettiest girl in school! I should go" He thought_

"_**And then you'll be cornered and beaten to a pulp" **_part of him argued back

"_But can I really ignore a possibility to talk to her? She might just want me to do her homework or something"_

"_**I don't have time for that"**_

"Don't be so stiff!" The unknown girl cried and dragged Spencer off to some unknown location, he protested weakly and tugged in vain to get his arm free from her grip, eventually he just stopped. After all, Alicia was the prettiest girl in school.

It was midnight by the time Spencer got back home. He had run all the way there, tears blurring his vision. He had never been so humiliated in his entire life. He desperately wanted to cover himself with something, _anything. _ But to no avail, it was times like this that he wished he didn't live in Vegas, because maybe if the city was sleeping it wouldn't be staring at him. He thought it was bad running blindly out of the pitch in pure darkness, open to all forms of attack, well this was worse, the looks on peoples' faces.

Spencer was used to looks of disgust (he got them all the time at school and sometimes at home when Mother was having an episode) but some of the people looked at him strangely, with a look he couldn't decipher. All he knew is that his instincts screamed "run! "

With that in mind he quickened his pace for home, he had every route in Nevada memorised so he'd always know how to get home.

Upon arriving home, Spencer was greeted to the sight of his mother screaming at the tv, "greeted" probably wasn't the best word as his mother had yet to notice him, it seemed that he was there in time for the fireworks as his mother took the nearest thing to her; Spencers' work bag (where he kept the books he'd borrowed from work) and flung it at the tv with force that if you asked anyone no women as frail looking as Diana couldn't possibly possess. It was a string of events, Spencer shut the door behind him and the bag hit the small tv, shattering the screen, sending shards everywhere, Spencer curled himself into a small ball to protect himself while Diana walked away calmly, not a single shard hitting her.

Amazingly not a shard hit Spencer but instead the lights buzzed out of life all over the house and all electrical appliances turned off. The entire house was engulfed in darkness.

**4 Many Years later**

"Yea Reid, why are you still afraid of the dark?" Morgan asked with a smile already laughing at the young genius

"Because of the inherent absence of light" Reid answered as if it were obvious

"Oh?" JJ said disbelievingly and hit Reid lightly on the arm.

And to this day, Reid is still afraid of the dark.

**Authors note**

So guys, whatchall think? Good, bad tell me, in other words

**REVIEW ^w^**


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